by The Buff Jerk
What’s Up Loser! I know you’re reading this article now because you’re bored of being a skinny twiglet and want to do something about it. Am I right? Of course I’m right! You’ve ended up on this web page, haven’t you?!
You’ve probably been searching the net for a while now, trying to find a special, little known ’secret’ to gain muscle. Or a get big quick pill or powder. Well, let me tell you now – you need to quit being so pathetic and lazy and take some initiative. There are only two ’secrets’ to building muscle and I’ll tell you now as long as you promise not to tell anyone else…. Promise….? Okay then…. Are you ready….?? Eat right… and lift weights. THAT’S IT!
Now, let’s get a few things straight. If you met me, you wouldn’t like me. I’m rude. I’m obnoxious. And I’m a Jerk! But hey… Guess what I don’t care! I can get chicks in my sleep with a body like this. So if you think I actually value your opinion then think again!
Although, it is my job to help skinny twerps like you gain muscle. And I’m an expert in it, after all. So I thought I’d thrash out this article while I’ve nothing to do.
When I was starting out on my own muscle gaining goals, I searched and read through the internet a hell of a lot, and now, I can personally tell you that there is a lot of BS online on how to gain muscle. Lots of different companies trying to sell you lots of useless supplements, pills and powders, and lots of idiots trying to pan off some lame ass body building program that they must have found on the back of some advertising leaflet they picked up at their gym.
Let me tell you right now – if you want to REALLY learn how to gain muscle, then you’re gonna have to fork out a few dollars to do so. Now, I’m not talking half your week’s wage or anything like that. You can download a top body building program online right now for about the price of a tub of protein or less.
Mind you, there are only a handful of top quality programs out there, and all the rest don’t really give you the whole picture – so don’t get scammed!
A good program will tell you what you must know, including the following:
- How to eat
- Times to eat
- The foods you should eat and why
- The foods to avoid
- How to train in the gym
- How many times you’ll need to train per week
- How long to train in the gym
- Correct exercises for each muscle group and the correct form to perform them in
- The things you shouldn’t do in the gym
- The important roles that hormones play when gaining muscle
- How to control your hormones to help you bulk up quicker (including growth hormone and testosterone)
- The importance of, and the best ways to rest when gaining muscle
I could sit here all day and night as the list goes on forever…
Anyway, as I was saying before… The best way to go about gaining muscle is to start from the basics. Instead of spending your money on gym memberships, protein powder and a pricey grocery bill, get some professional information on EXACTLY what you should do and you really can’t go wrong after that. You won’t waste any more time or money on your muscle gaining goals.
How many buckets of protein powder, weird supplements and monthly gym memberships have you paid for so far? Take a stab in the dark right now and try to estimate how much that’s all came up to. And how much progress have you made? I’m gonna guess little or none! So stop being a pathetic time waster and tack the problem from the source. Get a professionally written 1 2 3 guide on how to gain muscle and you’ll not waste any more of your time or money… Or you can just stay a scrawny twerp forever – don’t really bother me!
Take care loser!
Tags: advertising leaflet, body building program, building muscle, chicks, different companies, handful, hell, initiative, job, lame ass, little known secret, loser, pills, protein, sleep, Supplements, web page, weights
